Sunday, March 30, 2008

They Really Said It In Court

"Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
"The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

* * *

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

* * *

"Did he kill you?"

* * *

"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
"All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

* * *

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

* * *

"How many times have you committed suicide?"

* * *

"How was your first marriage terminated?"
"By death."
"And by whose death was it terminated?"

* * *

"Can you describe the individual?"
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
"Was this a male, or a female?"

* * *

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

* * *

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

A Strange Story

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

Various Weird Laws from Around the World

Bar owners may not let patrons make loud, unusual noises.

Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.

It is illegal to sell one�s eye.

It is illegal to drive down any street with beer in your car, even if it is unopened.

Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.

Police radar detectors are illegal.

Smoking while in bed is illegal.

Pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.

If a horse drawn carriage is trying to pass a car and the horse becomes uneasy, the owner of the car is required to pull over and if necessary, cover the car.

Prostitution is legal but the prostitutes must pay taxes like any other business.

It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.

Young girls may not shake hands with men.

You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

Apparently the good folks in Detroit did not quite know what ‘new’ meant.

Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.

Pornography is illegal.

It is illegal to sell your children.

Organizations may not hold their meetings while the members present are in costume.